Trump, Musk and the Nigerian gladiators

by

Reuben ABATI

By Reuben Abati

“Bros, looks like one accidented trailer has just passed between Trump and Elon Musk oh, and it gets messier by the day.” 

“What do you expect? It is just simple common sense. Elon Musk invested over $290 million to bring Trump to power. He supported him, campaigned with him. Then he got rewarded with the high-profile job of the man to fix Government Efficiency. Trump even supported Tesla when the company was losing sales and failing, up to 19% in the year 2025 alone. But what you have just seen is that even among thieves, there are boundaries”.

“What I hear is that there is honour among thieves?”

“So which thieves are we talking about and how?”

“Both of them are pursuing their own interests. When interests clash, friendship ends. Trump wants America First.  He has told everyone that he has to defend the mega spending and tax cut bill, which he has now signed into law, because he promised the American electorate that he would do so. And now he has done so, even if he had to blackmail both Senate and the House of Representatives to get it through by a very narrow margin.”

“Very narrow margin indeed. 50 to 51 in the Senate with Vice President J D. Vance having to break the tie. In the House of Representatives, Hakeem Jeffries, the House Minority Leader spoke for 8 hours 45 minutes to oppose the bill. The House may have voted 218 – 214 eventually but this must be one of the most controversial pieces of legislation since Trump’s second return.”

“So, what is Elon Musk now saying? He wants to commit suicide?”

 “No, he wants to protect American democracy and the people’s freedom. He has announced the formation of a new political party: the American Party, to challenge the Democrats and the Republicans in just two or three Senate districts and 8 to 10 House districts, and he will have legislative discussions with the Democrats and the Republicans. He had already said that he will deal with any lawmaker who supports the Bill to ensure that such a person does not return to Congress.”

“In his capacity as what?”

“He is CEO of Tesla, SpaceX, and X, and the richest man in the world. He has money. And in this world, money rules everything. It dictates how politics is played, how the economy is run. It is the same all over the world. Look at Nigeria. In this country, the rich are the ones who have opinion. When the politicians are looking for positions, they go to the rich to beg for money. When they get into office, the rich Nigerians dictate the direction of government. Whether in Nigeria or elsewhere, the rich people dictate policy. They run government.”

“Not in America though. It depends on who is in power. Trump has just told Elon Musk to get off his back and get lost. He says Musk is completely off the rails, practically becoming a Train Wreck in the past few weeks, and that he, Trump will not go back on the decision to terminate Electronic Vehicle Tax Credits. That is precisely what Elon Musk does not want, but it is now a matter of law.”

“But Musk’s father has said that these are two good friends behaving like children and that they will soon reconcile.”

“I don’t think Errol Musk knows what he is talking about. Trump has made it clear that if Elon Musk is not careful, he will be de-naturalized and deported back to South Africa where he originally comes from. I find it interesting though that both men are fighting with their big egos. It is an eye-opener in terms of the intersection between economic power and political power. Business CEOs are always hanging around the corridors of power, in expectation of returns. As it is in America, so it is elsewhere. In India, one of the big problems is crony capitalism. Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s friends are the ones in the charge of the commanding heights of the Indian economy. This is the exact story of the Adani Group, and the Reliance Group. When it is election time, the business people give money to the politicians. When victory is won, they move in and ask for returns. This is precisely what they do also here in Nigeria. Do you think these your billionaires are smart? No, they make money off the State. They are rent-collectors”

“The people. The people.”

“Who is talking about the people?”

“Trump. He says America First.”

“Don’t believe everything that you read. Trump says he is doing this for the Americans too. Which Americans? The Democrats and even members of his party argue that he is robbing the poor: Affordable Medicare, food stamp benefits, student loans, State And Local Tax (SALT) and Obama Care, to give better advantages to the rich in form of tax cuts even on tips, pensions and benefits. He wants to increase defence and immigration spending. The Latinos, Hispanics and Blacks who voted for Trump must be regretting the day they did so. Trump’s America is against them.”

“But Elon Musk is not interested in the poor either. He just wants to sell business, and make money for himself and his company.’

“This is not a fair world. It is one big game arena where the strongest survive and the weak perish”

“It is good however that some persons and groups can still summon the courage to stand up and speak the alternative to power. Take BRICS. They have just met in Rio de Janeiro, and their statement is very clear. They say that unjustified unilateral protectionist measures including the indiscriminate increase of reciprocal tariffs is inconsistent with World Trade Organisation (WTO) rules. We all know who that statement is meant for.”

“Yes. We know. And the target has spoken. He is Donald Trump, the United States President. He has warned that any country that supports the conspiracy of the BRICS countries against the United States will be slammed with an additional 10% of reciprocal tariffs.”

“Hey. Hey. The BRICS group is not Elon Musk. It is a formidable group which provides an alternative within the global order. A major part of the BRICS resolution in Rio de Janeiro was a tacit expression of support for Iran. Iran is one of the original 10 member-countries in BRICS.”

“But Trump has spoken. I hear our President was there, as a partner country in BRICS.”

“Yes. Yes. President Tinubu was in Rio to stand for Nigeria as a partner-country. We became a partner of BRICS in 2024. It is very good optics that our President was there.” 

“Tinubu went to Brazil from St. Lucia. Men!, this  guy is having fun. He jus dey catch cruise. As long as he doesn’t go and sign anything that will get us into trouble. We are a low middle income country, even behind Libya and Gabon, in terms of Gross National Income, GNI per capita - that is what the World Bank tells us. Our President must worry more about productivity and how to increase revenue back home.”

“Tinubu knows what he is doing. He is looking for investments. He is not looking for trouble. Nigeria is partnering with Brazil in the area of agriculture. Tinubu is too smart to go and look for Trump’s trouble.”      

“I just don’t want a situation where Trump will look at our President and call him, Mr. Nigeria.”

“What is wrong with that? President Tinubu is Mr. Nigeria, of course.”

“You don’t get the joke?”

“What joke?”

“Some people are beginning to say that old age is beginning to catch up with President Trump. The other day, he referred to the Prime Minister of Japan as Mr. Japan. The same way he called Tim Cook, the CEO of Apple, Tim Apple.”

“Look, leave Trump alone. Let Americans deal with the difference between what they voted for and what they got in return. Let us wait and see what happens in the US midterm elections. And I am more concerned about what happens when President Tinubu returns to the country. He would have to come and deal with the crisis of coalition politics that is threatening to upturn his electoral chances.”

“What do you mean upturn? I disagree. Whether they call themselves ADC oh, or whatever oh, I do not see any opposition uprooting President Tinubu and the APC from power in 2027.”

“These coalition politicians seem to mean business. The day they unveiled the ADC as their chosen platform, Abuja was at a standstill. They locked them out of one hotel. They moved to the Yar’Adua Centre. The Presidency has abused them, calling them names, threatening them.”

“Wait till Jagaban returns. Their Master will soon return. Who is there? Atiku, who is our regular customer? Or Aregbesola, who is biting the finger that fed him? Or Peter Obi? As for that one, Wike has given him a sucker punch. He told him that his time has passed, and he must stop dreaming. Anybody that lifts his or her head, they will get beaten.”

“Wike. Who is that compared to Peter Obi? We are discussing serious politics, you are turning this thing into a comedy. Wike who says his father is a manager of many companies and who went to church for a Thanksgiving burlesque, and he goes to church only to abuse everybody?”  

“Please, is there anything personal between you and Wike? How did you just suddenly turn this into a talk about Nyesom Wike, the FCT Minister. Is something paining you?”

“Nothing. I just felt it was odd for a Minister to make himself the story all the time, and as he does, he constantly upstages the President.”

“The President is not complaining. It is convenient for the President to have a Wike in the PDP, while identifying with the APC, and working against the PDP from within. Every monarch needs a jester.”

“Precisely why other PDP politicians now say they are still in the PDP, but they are also working with the ADC, 100%. Nigerians have a special way of making the abnormal look very normal.  Chief Dele Momodu says nobody has a monopoly of madness.”

 “Your Chief Momodu who went to Wike’s house, they gave him food and he enjoyed the soup so much, Wike noticed that his mouth was leaking.” 

“What kind of man talks like that? So, a guest eats at your place and that becomes a national issue? Peter Obi will never talk like that. Waziri Adamawa will never talk like that. I think President Tinubu should worry about the character of the persons who claim that they are defending his interest. Most of his supporters and spokespersons actually end up embarrassing him”

“President Tinubu will also never talk like that. But when he returns, let him talk about things that will move this country forward. I think it is more embarrassing that the politics of 2027 is what Nigerians are focusing on at the moment instead of urgent issues of governance. The conflict among politicians is pushing governance into a cul de sac.”

“It has been a really sad week though”

“I know. I know. Peter Rufai, Super Eagles goalkeeper died. Diogo Jota, the young, elite Portuguese player and Liverpool star also died along with his brother - Andre Silva, in a vehicle accident.”

“Sad. Sad.  Dodo Mayana. Apina. And then Diogo Jota and his brother. Why do good people die so early, and the world is left with the problematic ones?”

 “The ways of God are mysterious. It is even more painful that 82 people died in Texas. Many more are missing. Rain fell and the Guadalupe River rose by about eight metres, overflowed its banks, causing floods. Persons died at the Camp Mystic while sleeping and across all the counties: Kerr County, Kendall, Tom Green and Williamson County. Horrific. Catastrophic. Those who fight so much to cling to life should remember the uncertainty of all things natural.”

“The Olubadan died too. The 43rd Olubadan of Ibadanland. Oba Owolabi Olakulehin. He was 90. Our condolences to the people of Eba Odan.”

“Hmm. So who do you think is the next Olubadan? T’o lubadan ba ku, ta ni o joye. Remember that song?”

“The Ibadan people have an established succession tradition between the Balogun line and the Otun line, based on seniority.  The next Olubadan will come from the Otun line.’

“I hear that it is the Governor of Oyo State that will decide.”

“No. He can only play a ceremonial role. He cannot and he will dare not tamper with the people’s tradition in Ibadan.”